loving the oppressor / loving the oppressed

recently i’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to really love. and even further than that, what it means to really love all people. all people.

it’s crazy because it seems like everything i’ve been reading and listening to just so happens to be pointing to this idea in one way or another, and perhaps it’s just what i’m meant to be learning about right now. yesterday, i began reading “everybody, always” by Bob Goff (thank you mom) and this thought is basically the premise of the entire book - to love everybody, always.

i figured, what better way to try to collect some of my thoughts around this on here. after all, that is the point of why i made this. i’m still learning a lot on this, but maybe we can learn something new together :)

one of the main thoughts that keeps popping in my head is the idea of the “oppressed” and the “oppressor” - and you’ll see how this relates in a bit. but first, within these two positions, my mind is constantly trying to decide whether you have to be either one of them at all times, or if you could be neither or even both. in our relationships, is there always one person who plays the “oppressor” role, therefore oppressing the other? even slightly? even if it switches? i want to say no… i think of “mutualism” in nature and the whole definition of “co-existing”. but then i also think about how it doesn’t necessarily have to mean that extreme, intense oppression is occurring. can’t it just simply mean that someone is using their power over another?

so i looked up the definition of “to oppress” and it reads:

1) to burden with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints; subject to a burdensome or harsh exercise of authority or power:

2) to lie heavily upon (the mind, a person, etc.)

and i think i’ve decided that the option is there to be both or neither in a relationship. but i still do think that oppression can occur in ways that we may not initially picture it to be… like, i immediately think of someone like Hitler as being an oppressor - but in (i guess) a less-extreme way, there are people out there who are sneaky oppressors, like coy businessmen who manipulate their employees to stay at a company much longer than they planned because the benefits are good, but in turn, those employees sacrifice their joys like precious time with family. that is very specific, and perhaps not clear, but hopefully you catch my drift there.

and so i don’t know where i stand in this spectrum of oppressor and oppressed. to be honest, i probably am both in one way or another. my hope would be neither, but now i’m realizing that i think everyone is always dealing with many sorts of oppression on different levels, and stand on many different places on the oppressor/ oppressed spectrum at the same time.

this is different than what i was thinking before - because now i don’t think that oppression has to exist in every single relationship. in fact, i don’t even think it needs some sort of relationship to exist in at all - perhaps our miserable employee is simply oppressed by the benefits themselves & not his boss. and that’s like that second definition - it doesn’t seem as dependant on having another person being the oppressor.

now i don’t want to speak for you, and so correct me if i’m wrong, but in one way or another, you feel something weighing on you; oppressing you. and, there have also been times in your life where you have abused your power over someone. i’m hesitant to say that second part because i feel and hope that that is a more rare occurrence, but i don’t want to omit saying it because, if we face it, we are human and we mess up all the time (and it’s okay).

for example, i feel like i’ve been an oppressor to my customers at work before; i’ve caught myself a few times now being short and unkind with customers, and it’s because it gets super stressful and i feel like there are a million things on my plate. of course, this is a less extreme kind of oppression that i put on these people - perhaps you’d even argue that it isn’t oppression at all. but, there is a way that i can perceive it as an abuse of the power i have in my position to make someone’s day better; people typically come to a bakery to indulge in something and get a little joy from it, and my job is to serve them and make their experience all the better. in fact, i think the most important part of my job (both in the bakery and just as a human) is to bring light and love to other’s lives - and it’s especially important at my work because i face many many different kinds of people that i wouldn’t typically encounter just doing my own thing.

and that kind of brings me back around to this thought - that we are meant to love all people. not just the ones who are easy to love; the people you live with and hang out with and “do life” with, but also the strangers you face daily who you don’t think you could ever understand - the people who just seem so opposite and maybe even insignificant to you (& may see you the same) because there is just no common ground… we’re supposed to love them too.

i could get more into that, but i don’t want to stray too far from this oppressed/oppressor thought. SO… on that subject, i tend to think about what it means to love both the oppressed and the oppressor… yeah, both…that’s a hard thing to do.

easier, i think, to love the oppressed. although, there’s no denying it can feel uncomfortable, especially if we don’t face the oppression ourselves. it involves a sort of stepping out (of our pride)…speaking to that person who doesn’t fit in, buying a meal for the homeless man… putting ourselves in the middle of a situation that we wouldn’t naturally find ourselves in. it involves more effort. it involves a humbling, it’s not just going through our lives and smiling at strangers… it is a conscious effort to get away from our “normal” in order to reach those who experience a different reality.

i’d like to note that i don’t think that loving the oppressed means “saving” them… i don’t think that the privilege i have over anyone gives me the power to “teach” them or even make their lives easier. rather, i think it just simply means befriending them, finding a way to reach understanding of where they’re at, and in fact, learning from them. i hesitate to say “getting on their level”, because i truly don’t believe in the “levels” of status that society labels us with, but perhaps that helps you understand what i mean. but, i think that i have a lot more to learn from them about life and growth and what it means to be human if they’re struggling with something i would have never experienced otherwise.

now - loving the oppressor… i find this concept hard as hell. and i’m still trying to figure out what that looks like. how can i love a bully? how can i reach a point of understanding with someone who is so clearly harming others? don’t they know what they’re doing??

hmm… maybe they don’t.

i can say that i have come to a point of knowing that everyone behaves the way that they do mostly for reasons out of their control - how they were raised, what they’ve experienced in life, what has brought them pain and joy. i also think that most moves people make are with good intention; the way in which people perceive and receive it varies, however. this helps me a bit in trying to understand the “oppressors” out there… maybe “they” think they’re actually doing something good.

it’s hard to write about this in a general sense, because again, i think oppressors exist on many levels. but i think the big struggle really is that first question “how can i love a bully?”… that’s frickin hard, man.

and so what i need to be reminded of is my own faults… that’s the ticket for me. who am i to judge someone & decide that they are “wrong” (even if it’s so clear that they are), when i also do wrong all the time. although i maybe don’t want to admit it, i have hurt people… i have been rude to innocent customers. i have lied. i make mistakes allllllll the time! so who do i think i am deciding that someone isn’t worthy of receiving love because of the mistakes they make?

you could argue that there are people who do “worse” things than you do - and sure, there may be people out there who are hurting waaaaaayyyy more people than you are. but again, i really do think that’s it’s relative to their life experience and what they define is “right” and “wrong”. this is also somewhere where my faith comes in, because i believe that God doesn’t measure our wrongs and he loves us all the same with a love that none of us do anything to “deserve” but is simply given to us freely so that we can give it to each other. anyway, i could get way more into that but i’ll save it.

and what i’m not trying to say is that boundaries aren’t important - they are. loving someone doesn’t mean putting your safety at risk. but, i guess, loving the oppressor is almost the same as loving the oppressed - taking a step down from my pride, humbling myself because i know i’ve messed up too, and acting in love towards someone that i don’t see eye to eye with. wow, interesting.

at that, i really don’t want to make this too long, so i think i’m going to stop there. hopefully this little ramble made enough sense for you to chew on some thoughts.

if you feel so inclined, consider who you’ve been avoiding loving - who exists outside of your own little bubble that you may have never given second thought to. and further than that, try devising a list of ways in which you can love them. maybe it’s just one person, but i challenge you to try stepping outside of comfort for just a sec and seeing what you learn. if you do, as always, let me know how it goes!