breaking the barrier
the other day, as i was walking to work, i was approaching a delivery man dropping off produce boxes to some houses in the neighbourhood. i didn’t realize i was staring at him until he greeted me:
“good morning!”
“good morning!”
“how are you doing today?”
“i’m doing good, how are you doing?”
“i’m doing the best i can. trying to cope in these weird times.”
“yeah… at least it’s a beautiful day today!”
“yeah. you have a good day!”
“you too! enjoy the sun.”
(it was something along those lines… it was a few days ago so my memory is not exact)
the next day, i was out on my usual morning jog (but i was at the part where i’m not running and i was walking real slow, taking in the sun and the fresh air). a man and his dog began passing me from behind, and i turned around to look, laughing at the dog cause it was being funny… this time i spoke up:
“good morning!”
“good morning. how are you?”
“i’m well, how are you?”
“at this point it’s all becoming a blur… everyday is the same.”
“yeah… well i hope you enjoy your walk! it’s beautiful out!”
“thank you! you as well.”
these interactions (and these aren’t the only ones i’ve had) have revealed quite a bit to me about the “time we’re in” that i’d like to share. other than the fact that i am definitely one of those people who revert to chatting about the weather when it comes to small talk, it made me notice this new sense of - i’m gonna say it - community here that i’ve never felt before. and although the answers i got from these men weren’t the most happy or hopeful, they reveal that this “barrier” that we so often face in the city is being broken down.
let me elaborate a bit… anyone you ask who came to toronto from a small town will tell you that the biggest thing they miss about their hometown is being greeted by strangers when you pass them outside. it creates a warmth that makes a community feel good and friendly and therefore compelling.
toronto is rarely like this. and, i mean, you do typically pass a lot of people on the sidewalks, so i guess it would just be overwhelming to say hello to everyone… however, that’s really not always the case. in fact, when i’m walking down a neighbourhood street, it’s usually no different to that of any small town, only passing by a couple of people.
we don’t “break the barrier” here. that barrier that blocks us from meeting people that are different from us and whom we can learn from. an obstacle, perhaps, of making a new friend or simply just getting to know a neighbour. it creates this cold energy that the city is known for, and i think it’s unfortunate.
maybe it’s because everyone is “hustling” in the city… we’re all walking around quickly with our guards up because we have somewhere to be and things to do and people to see that are way more important than the simplicity in the world around us, so we don’t have any time whatsoever to step outside of ourselves just for a second…
but! i feel like the nature of this pandemic kind of broke that. it brought this “hustle” to hault. we’re outside because we just want to get some fresh air. we’re walking slower than usual and taking things in. we’re actually seeing the people around us. we’re being more honest in our interactions with strangers - i was pleasantly surprised that both of these men decided to not just give the usual “i’m well” reply (like i did lol) - and, again, even though they weren’t positive, it offered up an opportunity for us to be more connected… to go a bit more deeper and have a chance to relate. i think that’s kind of beautiful.
don’t get me wrong here, i don’t want to neglect the fact that, yes, there is also more of a division happening at the same time… i mean the entire concept of “social distancing” is quite dividing, and yes, there are people who are affected by it more seriously and truly isolate themselves - avoiding even eye contact with other humans…
but i have to say, i’ve noticed the change more geared towards the positive end of the spectrum. i think that because the physical space between us is bigger now, there is a bit more of a desperation in us to seek out connection and find it in creative ways. i have had more people smile at me than ever before... and like, good, genuine smiles that last longer than 2 seconds and make me feel warm inside.
i think that, in learning this, my intention moving forward is to consciously greet more people that i pass by, and to be more honest when someone asks me how i am. i mean, i really do feel good most days, but maybe i’ll allow myself to go a bit further with it and tell them why… who knows!
i’m curious what you’ve experienced here, have you found the same?
if you haven’t, what do you think you could do to change that?
