on the climate and social change
i just got back from the climate strike here in downtown St. Catharines, and feel an urge to process my thoughts through this medium. in recognition that this is a public space, i just want to first acknowledge that i am not using this “platform” to merit my knowledge and act as if i “have it all figured out”. i am learning every day and need to remind myself of that, and rather, as i often do, would like to treat this space as a grounds for processing, picking through the muck, and documenting my findings. if someone else “out there” happens to scroll by this forum, welcome here. i invite you to contemplate with me, if you feel so inclined. be warned that it may not always make sense because this is merely a means of stringing together the sentences swirling in my mind.
before the march even began, i was arguing with myself in my head if i even wanted to go… i had first passed by on my way home to drop off some things from school and was rather underwhelmed by the turnout. to be quite brutal, it looked “lame” (and mind you it was mainly the volunteers standing outside there at the time).
so, i went home, and began to skim through the work i had to do, assessing what needs to get done when… work i had previously exempt from the time frame of the march because i told myself i was going to go “because this is bigger than just me and my small life… the whole point of a strike is to abandon our ‘daily duties’ to gather as a community and represent the need for change in our world”. and even though i stand behind that, i somehow was allowing myself to be excused for not going “because it wasn’t what i expected”. my ego was in the way. and i thought “well what is my presence going to affect?”. which looking back, is the most sneaky way of ignoring my convictions, and also something i always tell myself i will not fall victim to - oh, the tricks of the mind.
anyway, i left home to buy some gum and sparkling water (“because i needed them in order to get work done” - we humans are so funny sometimes), and as i was walking to the store, thinking about my decision to not go and get some work done instead, my small voice of conviction inside of me wouldn’t shut up. i kept arguing with her. she made some fair points. eventually, i realized i should really listen to that small voice. i’m learning that while she can get pretty annoying, she usually knows what’s actually best for me.
and so, i arrive at the strike about a half an hour late, and yet again, my ego was unimpressed. i should also mention that another thought that pushed me to just go was “well you know, you still might get something out of it. these types of events can be quite transformational.”. which, i admit, might have been a selfish motive, but not the absolute worst. i think listening is important, and so, if anything, i was going to listen and learn.
alas, the sound system was poor, and i found myself being rather critical of the matter “well if they want people to hear what they’re saying ‘they’ should really make sure they can.”… which - like, true! but also! i totally disregarded the many things they had set in place that did allow the event to be more accessible and welcoming to others. i also found the first speech i heard rather uninspiring, although it did make good points (subjectively agreeing with my own bias of what is “right”). which again, is a total ego thing. and while i do still believe it is important to be critical of these types of things in order to broaden and enhance their impact, i was in a dangerous mindset of only viewing their failures instead of paying attention to the juxtaposing nuances that they were doing well. and maybe that’s something we all need to reconcile in ourselves; neither glorifying nor demonizing things for what sticks out, but paying attention to the liminal, in-between things that make them real and sometimes messy and therefore human and a grounds for relationship and community.
they then moved on to a dj set which, while not bad, resulted in some awkward dancing by some, and standing around by most. i was among those standing (while i do love a good dance jam, dj music is not the most inspiring, and nothing feels worse than trying to force a “good time”). as i was standing there, i noticed the small zine in my hand that i had been given earlier and decided to peruse it. this is when my mind started to change.
essentially, it was a resource made in order to educate more about certain types of “allyship” which actually act more as “accomplices”, doing harm to those they try to “help”. this did well with the critical mindset i was already in, and i feel like it began to calm my ego down a bit. it reminded me that, first, this thing is not about me, and second, i have a long way to go in learning more about my own practice of allyship; i was led to think more critically about myself (in a gentle way), rather than focusing that criticism outwards.
after the set, a woman who is Cree (forgive me - i’m not quite sure how to phrase that) made a speech. it was beautiful. it was honest and humble and another reminder of the importance of listening and allowing space for the Indigenous peoples to have a voice in our nation. and that this process of showing up and being a part of change is one that is slow, but nevertheless important. while i’m standing there thinking of all the ways this strike could “improve” in order to be “more effective”, i recognized my privilege in even thinking i have a chance to do so. and again, i still believe in the importance of critical thought; but my frame changed into one of recognizing the foundation already set in place, instead of one focusing on the holes. after all, it’s a thing put together by humans! it won’t be perfect!! and that’s actually preferable!!!
at last, we marched. we marched and chanted and, while it was a rather small group, the feeling of “togetherness” was still buzzing. and as we lay on the tarmac outside of city hall (after a rather gimmicky “performance” of dying from pollution), i looked at the sky and reflected on our mother earth. this really marvellous home we all share, and do a pretty poor job at taking care of. that was a special moment; it removed me from anywhere else my mind was existing but the most important: “here”.
and while this strike didn’t change my life, it affected small changes in me that i believe will do their work to ripple into larger ones, like resisting the urge to spit my gum onto the pavement, which is a totally mindless habit i had gotten into and was previously unaware of.
i showed up. and while i won’t wear this simple fact as a badge of pride; a means to broadcast my “activism” to the public, i will simply use it as a friendly reminder that it is always worth it.
it is a surrender of oneself, one’s priorities, and one’s small little life in order to engage in a space where our participation actually does make a difference - even if it is the most minuet.
take care,
s
